I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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