The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
