Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
