I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
