fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
