I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
