is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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