you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
