dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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