It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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