at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
