I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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