I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
