I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize