i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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