I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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