I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
