she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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