What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
