You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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