I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
