I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my poor anus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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