Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
