i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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