Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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