if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
