The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
