Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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