The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
