your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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