We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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