Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
