Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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