i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
