When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
