dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
