I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Michael Bay diarrhea
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
