It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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