Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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