It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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