What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
