Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
