why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
