i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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