he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
