okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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