Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
