I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
