She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
