i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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