I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
