woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
