I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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