and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
