im about as happy as oj after his trial
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
