He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
