My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
