It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
