Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize