thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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