i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
