I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize