and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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