i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
