my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
