I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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