What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
