dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
