What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
