I hate all girls vehemently.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize