How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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