It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize