Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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