I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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