I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
