I wish I could teleport
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
