dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
