He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
