I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Mom said you looked used
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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