Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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