It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
