Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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