He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
