just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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