dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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