I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
