look no pants
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
