is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
