It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
