I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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