What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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