um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
