wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
