At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
