so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
