i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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