I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize