she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
