Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize