Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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